short writing 6 1
Answer the following questions/questions set in approximately one paragraph each.
- How would you distinguish love from liking? What do you think is the most important difference between the two? Why?
- Liking: Liking is characterized by affection (or enjoyable interactions) and respect (admiring positive qualities about another).
- Loving: Loving typically includes affection and respect as well as caring (making sacrifices for the relational partner) and passion (feeling sexual desire and being captivated by the relational partner). Knapp et al. (2013) add that attachment (desire to be around one’s relational partner) and intimacy (a combination of attachment and caring) are also part of love
- According to attachment theory, parent-child communication forms the basis for personality development, including the capacity to have close, intimate adult relationships with others. To what extent do you agree or disagree that early communication with parents shapes a person’s life? What other events and interactions have shaped your attachment style? Additional info:
Secure
People with secure attachment styles are just that – secure in their relationships. Knapp et al. (2013) state that these individuals recognize that relationships ebb and flow, and are comfortable enough in the relationship to handle these changes. This comfort also leads to them being comfortable expressing their feelings. Guerrero, Anderson & Afifi (2014) add that individuals with this attachment style also work to maintain a good balance of autonomy and connection (one of the dialectics we discussed in a previous module) because they don’t feel as if time apart will damage the relationship. This type of individual, then, would be very comfortable developing intimacy with their relational partner and would be happy to both initiate and receive intimacy enhancing behaviors.
Avoidant
Unlike people with secure attachment styles, those with avoidant styles are more pessimistic and uncertain about relationships. Knapp et al. (2013) state that these individuals are uncertain that love is possible and believe that it will be short lived if it doesn’t happen. This leads to avoidant individuals being uncomfortable getting close to a relational partner and feeling an uncertainty on the ability to depend on their partners. Unlike secure individuals, those with an avoidant attachment style are likely to value autonomy over connection (Guerrero et al., 2014). Individuals with this attachment style are less likely to initiate significant amounts of intimacy enhancing behaviors.
Anxious – Ambivalent
The final adult attachment style is the anxious – ambivalent. Guerrero et al. (2014) describe individuals with this attachment style as “overinvolved, demanding and dependent†(p. 206). This type of individual desires close relationships but is uncertain that they will continue or be successful, so they may constantly seek reassurance from the relational partner, leading to emotional extremes (Knapp et al., 2013). Essentially an individual with this attachment style desires a significant amount of intimacy developing behaviors. This uncertainty also leads them to favor connection over autonomy (Guerrero et al., 2014). Knapp et al. (2013) are quick to point out that, although the secure attachment style might seem the most appealing at first, that most individuals tend to prefer to have relational partners with a similar attachment style. They mention that it is also possible that a relational partner may impact another so much that their desire for intimacy enhancing behaviors may change.
- Do you think people’s love styles change throughout their lives and/or relationships? If so, what factors do you think account for this change?
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